#337. Warning: very mealy
Foreigners! They have the weirdest dining habits, thought Cook as she went down to the kitchen again. Why couldn't Lord Windermere have married an Englishwoman? An Englishwoman would never ask such strange things for dinner.
Joan, the scullery maid, shook her head in sympathy, as she heard about Lady Windermere's strange request. 'Blimey, that's ever so odd. I thought with 'er being Dutch she would not be so foreign, not like a Frenchwoman or an Arab or somefink, but turns out them Dutch are just as weird. Blimey.' She wiped her hands on her filthy apron and went back to cleaning the grate.
Cook decided to do the shopping herself and thought that Alf's would probably be her best bet. His produce was always reliably fresh and freshness was of the essence with something like this - you did not want the thing to smell, did you?
Ooh, she had just made a pun! Cook chuckled for a moment, but then went back to being annoyed again.
Alf did not have what she wanted, and neither did Vince, but Reg eventually did. He wrapped it in a newspaper with an article about the Prince of Wales's latest mistress. Why can't the upper classes behave? Cook thought irritably. Why do they always have to be cheating on each other? Don't they have any morals, like decent working class folk?
Back in the kitchen she wondered what to do with her purchase. Lady Windermere had just told her to use the Wedgwood service and the best silver and then had gone back to trying on teagowns, but what about sauces or dressings or side dishes?
Mr Jeeves, the butler, offered to check with Lady Windermere, but came back just as mystified as Cook had been.
'I asked her twice if she was sure that this was what she wanted. And she said, of course she was sure. She simply wanted the nose of the salmon.'
'Foreigners,' Cook sighed.